When I Rule the World...

I should know better. It's not good for my blood pressure. But I can't stand it any longer. Even more than The Archers, even more than Women's Hour, even more than most of the output of the Guardian, I'm fed up, here and now, with Britain. We are, without doubt, useless. So here is, in a concise and easy to handle list, exactly what's wrong. I'll probably run out of space. But here goes nothing.

1. Iraq. Let's get the big one out of the way first. I blush to admit that I believed the lying so-and-sos who told me that Saddam was an immediate threat to the UK, who had not only the means but also the inclination to wreak havoc on our green and pleasant land. Yeah, right. We shouldn't have gone in, but we did. We broke it, so we fix it. And yes, it's a war. That means that the other side are allowed to fire at us too. And no, it's awful when our soldiers die. But they're soldiers. It's in the job description. So let's equip them properly, let's support them properly, and let's do the best we can to mend it. And then let's go, when the Iraqi government are happy for us to do so. But until then, we're stuck there. Get over it.

Crime and Punishment

1. Right, let's offend some more people. Prison sentences. "Life imprisonment, and you should serve at least 12 years" is meaningless. If the crime is sufficiently grave to merit life imprisonment, then that's what you should get. If you should only serve 12 years, that's what you should be imprisoned for.
2. And whilst we're at it, let's lose the X-Boxes etc in the prisons. No, I'm not advocating solitary confinement and 20 lashes for breakfast, but let's not have a situation where prison is more comfortable than home.
3. Double the number of police. Put the extra ones on the beat, rather than behind desks.
4. "Antisocial behaviour" is playing music loudly. Beating up strangers in the street because they dare to stand up for themselves is assault. Let's find the kids, and start punishing them accordingly.
5. Lose the insultingly moderate sentences handed out for crimes such as murder, attempted murder, ABH, GBH, rape, muggings, etc etc.
6. In exchange, abolish the laws banning smoking in a public place.
7. Abolish the minimum drinking age. Or set it as, say, 12. Is it cool to eat chocolate? Not really. Yes, there'll be carnage for a few years. But it'll get better eventually. Alternatively, if you prefer to keep the legal limit as it currently is, then enforce it.

Politics

1. Climate change. It's happening. Tax the airlines on their fuel like the rest of the country. If and when the European CO2 emissions trading scheme starts working, they join it. Along with every other major business.
2. Research Funding. 65% of the allocated budget should be, well, allocated to specific projects. Cures for cancer, new power sources, medicines. Whatever. The remaining 35% split 60:40 in the sciences and arts for more esoteric research which may have no immediate applications.
3. Scrap the Olympics. Even now. I know it's late but really, £12 billion. Can you think of anything we should spend this money on instead? Oh, I know. Policemen. Schools. Hospitals. Parks. The countryside. Writing off third world debt. Reducing council tax. A giant fireworks show. I don't care. But two weeks worth of people running around a track. Please, no.
4. "Europe" isn't inherently bad. It's not inherently good either.
5. "Move forward or fall behind" is a false assumption. Staying still is the right decision sometimes.
6. Scrap road-pricing. Impose maximum legal emissions limits. If the car manufacturers can't sell their products in the UK, they'll soon change their specifications. And don't confuse congestion with climate change. An electrical car takes up the same amount of road space as a petrol one. And is still polluting (now how do we get that electricity...?)
7. Promote cycling, with financial advantages for those who do so.
8. Accept that public transport does not make money. If you want to encourage people away from their cars, make it attractive, rather than bullying. How about free school buses as a start? Subsidised train fares?
9. Reduce the BBC license fee, by abolishing those aspects that are not remotely "public service." Lose BBC Three. Radio 1? How controversial am I? Also allocate a portion of the fee to funding the National Film and Television Archives.
10. Set a minimum and maximum density for new housing.
11. Try to lose "short term" targets. Trends do not continue for-ever. "Ten years ago [quote statistic] whereas today [more statistics], so in ten years time...". By this argument, in 2020, one in three people will be an Elvis impersonator. Hmmm...

Education

1. Create an independent body (in the same way as the Bank of England is) to oversee school exams. Use people from our top universities, further education colleges, independent and state schools, and let's get an exam that ch alleges those who sit it.
2. An academic education is not for everyone. It should be available to everyone, but that's not the same thing. We need mechanics, builders, plumbers, and let's be honest: they'll earn more than they would with a 2:2 in media studies.
3. To this end, "education" should be compulsory until the age of 18, but this should include apprenticeships, A-levels, NVQs and vocational training courses.

Hmmm, that's all that occurs to me at the moment. Watch this space...