Northern Rock II - the saga continues (and ends)

A long time ago, in a land far away, there was a bank. That bank was generally well run, and even contributed a fair proportion of its profits to charity. But one day everything went wrong...

Now the bank manager was more clever and business-minded than many other people. So one day he had an idea.

"I know," thought the bank manager. "At the moment I take the people's gold for a time, and then pay it back to them later with a bit extra, and in-between times I can lend it to other people at a higher rate of interest, and make a bit for myself. But what if instead I borrow a lot more gold, and do the same? If I charge more interest than I pay, then I'll make a King's ransom in profits."

So the very next day, the clever bank manager went to one of his rivals.

"Will you lend me 1000 sovereigns?" he asked. "And in a year or two, I'll pay you back 1050 sovereigns." The other bank manager thought that was a good deal, and agreed. So the clever bank manager took the 1000 sovereigns, and lent them to his friends.

"Look," he said. "I will lend you 100 sovereigns, and you can have them for a year or two, providing you pay me back 125 then."

Lots of people needed gold to buy food, so they did as he suggested.

But then one day there was bad news from the kingdom the other side of the sea. Some bad bank managers had lent money to people who wouldn't return it, and everybody started to panic.

Then the bank manager who had lent our hero 1000 sovereigns appeared and demanded his money back. But our bank manager didn't have it, for he had lent it to other people to buy food with. And so the panic continued.

One day the King heard all about the story of the bank manager, and said "I will stop the panic by paying everyone back."

And the people said "Hurrah."

But some people said "Oh no, this is a problem. Because to get his money back the king will want to sell the bank to somebody else. And this risks the status of the money that the bank still has."

So they sent off a form and had their ISA transferred to Intelligent Finance instead.

The End.

---

Actually, not quite the end. For, some days after sending off the form for the transfer, the following telephone conversation took place:

Hero: "Hello, you asked me to call you."
NR: "Did we?"
Hero: "Yes. Why?"
NR: "Ah, so we did. You see, the address IF gave us doesn't match the one we have."
Hero: "OK, sorry about that, shall I send you a utility bill to prove I have moved?"
NR: "No, we don't take those. What about a copy of your passport?"
Hero: "You do realise that passports don't have addresses on...?"
NR: "Don't they?"
Hero: "No."
NR: "Oh, well, OK, what about a letter from another bank?"
Hero: "Like the one you have from IF showing my new address?"
NR: "Yes, just like that one. But a different one."
Hero: "But still from IF?"
NR: "Oh yes, that's fine."
Hero: "Right... you do realise it'll have the same address as the letter you already have?"
NR: "Oh yes, but we need it. And we need you to give us a copy of your passport too."
Hero: "But you know who I am - the name's the same in both cases..."
NR: "I know. And we need you to write us a letter."
Hero: "A letter?"
NR: "Yes, one telling us your new address."
Hero: "Like the one you currently have, that sparked this whole thing off?"
NR: "Yes, just like that one. That way we'll know it's you."